Juxtaposition
by Swythangel
Summary: What will life hold for Gareas now that Ernest is gone? oops...spoiler! ^^ Its a trilogy.
1. Ernest Cuore

juxta1 Author: Swythangel   
Email: swythangel@hotmail.com   
Title: Juxtaposition   
Type: Trilogy   
Rating: PG –13   
Spoilers: That someone is going to die. ^-^ Its going to start there so if you don't know who it is and hate spoilers, don't read. ^^ Warnings: Shonen Ai   
Disclaimer: Megami Kouhosei is owned by Yukiru Sugisaki-sensei. And whatta lot of bishies she has. I'm so envious.

Whee whee! I actually made a MK ficcie. Hurray! happy happy> Um, I feel that it's a touch OOC but hell, I made it anyway. Ahohoho! I forgot the actual words they said while fighting the Victims so I made them all up. Gomen if they're too ooc. ^^

I am *so* known for infamous series that are not finished yet ^^ sweatdrops> but I really need to make this one. I *want* to make this one. Though it is a touch bad...^^   


**Juxtaposition Arc:**   
**Ernest**   
A Megami Kouhosei/Candidate for Goddess fiction 

Stars…

They hang suspended on the darkness of space, these bodies of gases that seem like twinkling gems to the people on the colonies. Beautiful gems that dance flirtatiously on a clear night sky, tempting one to reach out, to touch. And of course, to wish for one's fondest dreams.

Such is the longing of surface dwellers. The stars embodied dreams and hopes that are out of reach for the present but hopefully not in the future. They're vastly overrated, these stars. At least they are in my opinion.

Once you've gone into the vast space and seen them up close, they are little more than gas bodies that roil about in an unending cycle of survival…until the gases run out and they die off. They aren't as pretty as they are from a colony's surface. Although I must admit, there are still some which amaze me. Like suns…they still fascinate me, though there is little else that does.

Maybe its because I have been looking at them for so long that ennui has gotten to me. Being an Ingrid pilot does that to you. You don't really see the stars anymore when you're concentrated on the incoming Victim and your comrades' emotions.Oh there is something I like that I have forgotten about. I also love the way a star dies. Odd I know. But a star's death is one of the most beautiful sights in the known universe. The explosion of colors is enough to take my breath away.

It is an irony of sorts. That one should find beauty in a death. But then again, life is like that, I guess. I am getting too cynical. At least that's what Gareas says in any case.

_/Gareas…/_

My heart skips a beat at the thought of the green-haired pilot of Eeva Leena. Roiling emotions tinge my thoughts of him…all of them tinted with the warm colors that signify deep affection and yes, even love.

Teela might be First, she might be the leader of the team but Gareas would always be the one who leads my heart. He is like the sun, my sun, shining garishly and loudly in a universe where I and the other Ingrid pilots fight to protect Zion. I cannot help but be drawn to him, a quiet satellite turning in revolutions around the warmth and heat he emits.

I am too much of an empath to not be honest with myself. I love Gareas. I hadn't meant to, never thought I would. Our personalities are so different.

I am more of the quiet bent, sensitive is how everyone describes me. That comes from my EX empathy. Knowing the hurt I can inflict on people by the actions I do makes me cautious and kinder. I can never allow anyone to get hurt. Not when I can do something about it.

Gareas, on the other hand, is more impulsive, more like Rioroute.

I stay in the sidelines, preferring to lurk in the shadows, even in battle, to care for the well being of my teammates' minds and emotions. Gareas is always on the frontline, he almost always has to be the one to fire off the last shot, aside from Teela.

With those kinds of differences, I never thought I would fall for him. But Gareas' brand of humor and charm just crept up on me. He taught me to not be so serious and drawn, a trait acquired because of my empathic powers.   
As an empath, I can read emotions from any mind, especially with human contact. I had to shield myself to avoid invading another person's private thoughts. Of course, in the course of my training as a candidate for Goddess, I have been trained to shield my own thoughts. But old habits die hard, I still drew away from human contact.

Until Gareas. Gareas taught me to be more open, taught me how to laugh. He treated me like a friend would. And because he did so, the others followed. Suddenly, I changed from being withdrawn and quiet, to something almost approaching friendly.

_/So that is why…/_

Yes, everything I am now I owe to Gareas. Maybe that is how my feelings started to change. No one aside from my family has ever…

One day I just woke up and found myself wanting to hear his laugh and to see his expressive eyes next to mine, to feel his soft warm lips beneath mine.

I tried to surpress it, tried not to feel this emotion. But like any emotion, it stayed insistently, making my heart skip a beat everytime I see Gareas smiling at me, causing my knees to tremble every time he stands so close to me.

_/But it is impossible…/_

Yes, it is impossible. Because Gareas will always see me as a teammate, nothing more. I am sure of this because once, just once, I had been tempted to look into his emotions, to see if he even held a shred of affection for me.

And what I saw was warmth and friendship. He treats me like a brother would or a best friend, nothing more.

It hurt. Of course it hurt. Unrequited love always does but I, being the empath, have had lots of experience with dealing with it. So I hide my love for him, even as it grows.

I content myself with the thought that I am at his side…for as long as we are the pilots of Eeva Leena and Luhma Klein, facing the dangers of Victims together, fighting to protect Zion.

And in a strange way, it is enough for me. Enough to know that I am by his side. That if I cannot hold him in my arms or kiss him, I can at least make sure that he will come back alive, that I can protect him.

Now more than ever I need to protect him. Because ever since the new Candidate was able to get into Eeva Leena, Gareas has been acting unstable, rushing into battle with nary a thought for his safety.

And the last battle…the last battle…oh, gods!

My hands clench of their own accord. He almost died! Gareas almost died. I can never forgive myself if he did.

Fear had encompassed me then, rendering me immobile in its wake as he plunged into the seething mass of Victims.

_::"NO! Gareas turn back! What are you doing?"::_

My voice had escalated to a panicked state just as my heart had almost stopped beating when I saw him charge the enemy, his emotions unreadable in their confused state. I cannot describe the relief that burst inside me, scintillating in its vibrancy, as First came through and saved him. Nor can I describe the anger that made me punch him in the face for not being careful enough.

I could not help it. The fact that he would unthinkingly throw his life away without a thought to what others, to what **I** would feel if he died, angered me.

When we landed on the ship, my first impulse was to hug him and tell him that I was glad he survived. But my mind brushed through his and the thoughts I encountered…

Confused, angry, suicidal…he didn't care if he lived or died.

For the first time, I reacted violently, reacted the only way I could react. I punched him.

And shocked at what I did, I stalked out of the hangar. The emotions inside me lashing at me with fierce intensity, crying out at the hurt dealt to me.

How can he not care for himself…how can he think to throw his life away without a thought to what others would feel. If he died…   
If he died…

I would want to die too. What would life, even as an Ingrid pilot, be worth if Gareas is not with me?

_/Does love have to hurt so much?/_

No, no, it doesn't have to hurt so much. It just so happens that the one I love does not love me in return. That is why it hurts.

_/Then why do you continue loving him?/_

I laugh a little.

It is not something you can control or choose to not feel. It is not a lamp that comes equipped with an on and off switch, or one of those ProIngs one pilots as a Candidate.

Love is like the Ingrids. Strange comparison I know and Gareas would laugh if he heard me say this, but it is true.

Ingrids have souls and a mind of their own, they choose the pilots who man them. Compatibility is an issue. That is how love is too. It may come like a thief in the night, like it did with me, and quite suddenly you find yourself in love with someone. Or it can be a slow growing thing, developed through months or years of friendship. You have a lot to learn about it.

_/What will you do now?/_

Like I told Tune a while ago, I will warn Gareas of his state and hope for the best.

_/She loves you./_

I know she does, I can feel it everytime she looks at me. Her thoughts reach out to me like tendrils of warm fire, comforting me when I am weary. It would have been nice to fall in love with her, then I would have no worries. But I didn't. Fate deals us such twisted hands sometimes. I cannot love her back. I love Gareas. It hurts to do this to her but what else can I do?

_/So what do you intend to do if he does not listen to you? If he insists on going out to fight?/_

What can I do? We are Ingrid pilots, sworn to protect Zion. That is what we are bound to do and we will do it.

The words sound so casual as they go through my mind. But the feelings accompanying it are not.

_/And if he does it again? What then?/_

Fear, the encompassing paralyzing fear I felt when Gareas plunged into the Victims comes back at the words.

Gareas will not die, he will not. Not when I am still here.

_/You cannot always be at his side to help him./_

No, I cannot but as long as I am able to, I will help him. He is everything in my life that matters the most. I will protect him even at the cost of my own life.

_/Demo…aniki…/_

I can hear the pleading in your tone, the hurt and the almost desperate need to not be alone. And I feel regret…but still.

_::I am sorry, Erts, but please understand me.::_

I pour all the emotions I feel into the link and I can see the vibrant colors and memories go through his barrier.

_::You are an empath just like me little brother and I know you will understand.::_

And he does. For as the memories penetrate Erts' consciousness I can feel the concern he feels for me.

_/I can understand love as you see it, as I can feel it from the people around me. And if it pleases you, I cannot do anything to stand in your way. Aniki…/_

_::Thank you..::___

_/I love you, aniki. Be well./_   


"Luhma Klein! Where are you?" Gareas screamed into the communicator.

"Eeva Leena, retreat. You are in enemy territory. You will be destroyed if you don't. I can't hold up this damn shield forever." Rioroute's voice came through.

"We cannot leave yet, Luhma Klein is still inside."

"Eeva Leena, retreat." The voice of Teela, the one called First, coldly and calmly interrupted.

"No, not without Luhma Klein." Gareas said, scanning the area for any signs of the Ingrid.

"Ernest, where are you?"

I can hear Gareas frantically calling my name. I ignore him a bit although my heart bid me respond, if only to calm the fear I hear in his voice.I had tried to stop Gareas from going into the mission but he had ignored me. And as I tried to stop him the emotions I got from him was the same.

Confusion, anger, fear…suicidal thoughts running through his head.

Gareas is going to die…unless I did something to stop him. And that is what I am doing now. In order to stop Gareas from plunging into his death, I would have to find the head of the Victims along the swarming mass and kill it. Killing the leader would disband the swarm. Then and only then could I save Gareas.

With that thought in mind, I know that I would accomplish this task even if it meant killing myself in the process.

"Luhma Klein, where are you?"

I know Gareas is confused with my actions as I boost ahead of him and plunge into the teeming miasma of Victims before he could even blink. It is not my way after all to go into the frontlines. I have always served as back-up.

But today it is different, I cannot allow him to kill himself. Not when I could do something to stop it.

Now where is that Victim?

Aa! I see it.

"ERNEST!??"

"Eeva Leena, I am here. I have the Victim leader."

I move Luhma Klein to where the leader of the Victims is and hang unto it for dear life, trying to kill it. But the Victim is strong and in an instant it has me in its jaws.

It is strong. Far stronger than I can ever imagine and it is shaking Luhma Klein around like a very annoying fly it has in its jaws. I can hear the metal Ingrid creaking as the Victim clamps down. Somehow I know that I am staring into my own death, that in a matter of minutes I would cease to exist. But it does not strike me with fear. The only feeling in my heart at the moment is the overriding need to kill this abomination before Gareas and the others suffer my fate.

I cannot kill it though as it breaks through conduits and circuits, rendering me immobile. I need help.

"Ernest? Where are you?"

Aa, perfect timing. "Gareas! I am here. You need to fire on the Victim leader so that the others will disband."

I can sense the exact time Gareas realizes where I am because a sudden surge of horror courses through him.

"Luhna Klein! Hang on, I will save you."

How sweet it sounds coming from Gareas. But I steel against it as I say sharply: "There is no time. Kill the Victim leader. I will be fine."

Even now the Victim is slowly getting through to where I am, the air is running out inside my Ingrid and the uncomfortable pressure of space is pressing down on me. But that is not my concern. My concern is that Eeva Leena is trying to get through to where I am. And I cannot have that or my sacrifice would be for naught.

With my reserve energy, I reach out with my thoughts.

_::Stop it Gareas.::_

_/Why did you do it, Ernest? Why? You normally don't do things like this./_

Because I love you. Because I cannot bear to see you try to kill yourself.

But even now, so close to death, I cannot say it. I want to, very very much. But I can't. If I say it now, Gareas will think that I did all this for him, which is the truth…but he will feel guilty and for the life of me I cannot have him feel guilty about anything so I cover it all up with false cheerfulness.

_::You've always been after me to do something spontaneous.::_

_/Baka, Ernest! Not this kind. Now hold on, I'll save you./_

Bad idea.

_::NO! Stop right there, Gareas. Just fire the damn gun and get it over with.::___

_/But…/_

Whoosh!

I hear one of the major conduits rupture and I know that the hole in Luhma Klein has gotten worse. The pressure inside the Ingrid is intolerable now and I can barely breath, my body being crushed by the pressure.

As I feel myself die, a thousand thoughts flash in my head at the same time. Silly little wishes that filter through my consciousness. Wishes like I wish I could have told Gareas that I loved him, or that Gareas could love me in return…I wish that I had more time too to be with him. I kind of envisioned growing old with him in my head…but that is all they are…wishes inside my head.

The panel before me blackens and I know I only have time for a few more words before…

_::Hey Gareas. I want you to promise me something alright? Don't go over the edge again and don't ever be as stupid as to try and kill yourself.::_

I love you Gareas, be well.

_/NO, Ernest, I…/_

I know Eeva Leena is trying to get to me…

_::Don't be an idiot!::_

I cannot die yet. Not before I know that Gareas will be safe. I cling, tenaciously, to the thin thread of life left in me, struggling not to let go, not to slip into the infinite blackness that is enticing my tired, pain-wracked body to rest.

Death is beckoning, promising blessed relief from the pain but there is one thing I need to see to before I take his hand.

"Eeva Leena, you will retreat now."

Aa, First. As always she can carry out the job. She always has and always will.

_/Rest, Ernest. I will look after him now./___

_::Thank you, Teela.::_

And with this assurance, I loose my hold on consciousness, freefalling into the blackness.

_/I love you, Gareas. Be well./_

Interlude:

In the GOA ship for Candidates, the blond Candidate, number 5 by designation, falls down in the middle of a fencing fight with Candidate no. 88, in the throes of anguish.

_/Aniki…/_

The death of the Ingrid pilot of Luhma Klein had echoed out in space and reached the brother in GOA.

_::Take care of Gareas.::___

_/Aniki…/_

Erts tried to catch the last fleeting thoughts of his brother but it was too late. The boy known as Ernest had fled from the mortal world.

He could not, would not cry. Not for a brother who became contented in death.

But it hurt so much…to lose his only brother.

_/Is this what love does?/_

TBC ^_~

Okie dokie, comments onegai? Or is there just too little MK fans at the moment? ^^ This is going to turn out as one weird pairing I know but I can really see it happening.^^   



	2. Gareas Ellidd

juxtaposition: Gareas Author: Swythangel   
Email: swythangel@hotmail.com   
Title: Juxtaposition   
Type: Trilogy   
Rating: PG –13   
Spoilers: That someone is going to die. ^-^ Its going to start there so if you don't know who it is and hate spoilers, don't read. ^^ It also contains some of the past of both Gareas and Ernest from the manga ^-^   
Warnings: Shonen Ai   
Disclaimer: Megami Kouhosei is owned by Yukiru Sugisaki-sensei. And whatta lot of bishies she has. I'm so envious.

**Juxtaposition Arc:**   
**Gareas**

"Why don't you go in, Gareas-san?"

I look up to find Tune Youg at my elbow, looking up at me with her red-rimmed eyes. Her voice is just above a whisper, hoarse and pained.

Tune, the repairer for Luhma Klein, Ernest's partner. I can tell she has been crying non-stop. And I can't blame her. I knew she loved him.

"I-iie." I say softly, smiling gently at her to soften the negative statement I just made. "I don't want to."

"It has been two days now, Gareas-san, if you don't hurry, you won't have the time to pay your last respects. They will be jettisoning him tomorrow."

"Aa, I have no intention of going in at all." I tell her, like I told Rioroute, Yu, Phil and Leena before her. Why can't they just leave me alone?

Her eyes register hurt and disbelief. She can't believe that I, of all people, would actually say this.

"N…nani? Why?"

I shrug. "I just don't want to." I say by way of explanation, the tone casual. I hide the fear I feel from her, my expression set in a shuttered unreadable expression as I face her.

"B…but he is your teammate, a fellow pilot. Most of all he was your friend, your *best* friend. It is your duty…"

"It is *not* an Ingrid pilot's duty at all. And being his friend doesn't oblige me to go." I say sharply. Her tone has turned damning and it stings my conscience. I am not in any mood to have it stung.

Crack!

The sound reverberates in the air and I stare in absolute surprise.

Tune Youg, one of the gentlest Repairers I have ever known, slapped me. My left cheek is stinging something fierce but I ignore it. It is nothing compared to the outraged expression on her face.

"I can't…believe…" She choked out as she glared at me through tear-glazed eyes, "I can't believe that he actually fell in love with a cold monster such as you. How can you defame his memory this way when he died sacrificing himself! If it wasn't for you, he'd be alive and with us right now, not in that cold casket."

Surprise, startlement and confusion run into each other inside me like a runaway ProIng in a meteor storm. The information she is putting out a little too much than I can handle.

"Tune!" I turn as I hear the calm sad voice behind me. A girl with long blond hair steps out of the shadows and I recognize her.

Leena, my repairer, my partner, my girlfriend.

"You are distraught, we all know that, but still…"

Leena goes over to Tune and puts an arm around her. "Still, you cannot blame him for what happened."

Tune's shoulders sag a little but they come up again as she struggles out of Leena's arms. She glared at me then, her body shaking uncontrollably.

"I can because HE is the reason." Tune tells Leena, never taking her eyes off of me all the while. Those damning, damning eyes.

"I wish it was you who died instead of him. I HATE you!" And with those virulent words, she runs away from us, out of the corridor.

"She didn't mean that, Gareas. You know she is just upset."

"I know that but still…" There is a ring of truth to her words that I cannot deny, the thing I have been trying to avoid facing ever since I saw Luhma Klein's limp form speared by the Core Victim.

Silence.

I stare at space and the twinkling lights of faraway stars, processing what happened. I can feel Leena's concerned gaze on me.

"But still what?"

"Still she speaks the truth. Ernest did sacrifice himself for…us."

_/For me./_

The feeling of hollow emptiness inside me is ringing with that one truth. And it aches oh so much, especially now that the comforting voice that always lulls me to sleep ever since my stay in GOA is silent.

"Hai, he did. And you are feeling guilty about it are you not?" Leena hugs me from behind and I stiffen slightly at the contact before sagging down my weight within the familiar circle of arms. Her familiar warmth which normally brings pleasure to me only leaves me yearning for another kind of warmth, another familiar feeling that will forever be denied me now.

"No." I whisper, sadness making my voice sound like sandpaper rasping on a rough surface. It is not that which is bothering me, at least not that much. Guilty feelings prey on the mind and makes one jumpy. I know what guilt feels like. And I feel it today but it is not the primary thing I feel right now.

This. This emotion is different. It claws at my insides like a rabid dog wanting to get out, alternating with an empty hollow feeling of bone deep ache. I do not know what this is. But it hurts like hell. The vague feeling that it started just when Ernest…just when he…I hate Ernest. I am hating Ernest right now for making me feel like this.

Leena's arms tighten around me and I know that she knows I am hurting inside. Aa, Leena knows me well enough by now to gauge the nonverbal signs. Unfortunately her touch isn't the one that always soothes all my fears away.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~* 

Lonely, alone. I am all alone. The darkness is closing in on me and I am afraid. I have never been alone in my life before.

_::Don't be afraid, Gareas.::___

_/Who?/___

_::Ernest.::___

_/Ernest?/ _ I do not know who Ernest is.

A surge of something enters my mind and a vision of a slender blond boy with a gentle expression on his face shows itself inside my mind.

_::Ernest Cuore.::_

Aa, I remember now. The boy with the telepathic EX. The one everyone seemed afraid to talk to, the one I had promised to protect.

_::Yes.::_

The sick feeling in my stomach lessens as the feeling of loneliness does.

_::Where are you now, Gareas? You suddenly disappeared.::___

_/I am somewhere in GOA although I don't know where./___

_::Why?::___

_/I don't know. They told me some crap about being the top candidate and being given special training./___

_::Oh.::_

I never thought that thoughts could convey so much emotion but the thought from Ernest almost conveyed disappointment.

_/How did you find me?/___

_::Your cries led me to you. Your fear shines out.::_

My chin draws up in stubborn defiance and affronted dignity. As one of the candidates, I am known as strong and fearless, now this slip of a boy was accusing me of being afraid. _/I am not afraid./___

A warm glow, reminiscent of a trill of laughter, comes to the link and Ernest's next thoughts are a little amused.

_::Then I guess you don't need me then?::_

A little fear flashes inside of me at being alone again but stubborn pride wins out. _/No./_

And in a flash the warm presence at the back of my mind fades away.

Bereft. That is how I feel. Empty and scared. As the walls of my room suddenly seem to close in again and I can't help but cry out.

_/Ernest!/_

Almost instantly the warm glow appears again. _::Daijobu, Gareas, I was only joking. I am here. I will always be here.:_   
:   
I do not know what it is about him but his mental touch on my mind soothes away all my worries. And his soft kind voice in my head is reassuring. Somehow I know that he would keep his promise.

He would always be here with me.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~* 

"Daijobu, Gareas-koi. I know how you feel." Leena tells me.

"Do you?" I rasp out, my hands clenching tight on her shoulders as I slip out of her hold and look at her with pain-filled eyes. "Then tell me how I feel, tell me why I feel like a thousand knives are stuck inside myself, tell me why I feel like screaming but nothing comes out. Tell me why I feel like hating Ernest for doing such a stupid thing when I should be thanking him for saving my life. Tell me, Leena. Because I cannot understand it myself."

An unreadable expression goes across her features. I could swear it resembled something like sadness, pity and understanding all rolled into one. But I cannot be sure.

"Tell me." I say, shaking her a little in my impatience. I want to know what this feeling is, to identify it so I can know how to stop it and move on.

She shakes her head and smiles at me. A lonely smile of infinite understanding. "Oh Gareas, some things are best understood by oneself. You know the answer to your question but you refuse to see it."

Leena gently disengages my arms from her shoulders and she walks away from me. She speaks soft words that I am sure I am not meant to hear but I do.

"Gareas, you are so blind not to see what everyone else does. And now it is too late…"

Too late for what?

"Leena, wait up. Don't leave me."

"Garu, I think you should figure these things out for yourself ne? And until then, well, I'll be seeing you around." The words are normal, the same things she always says to me but there is a note of finality to her voice and I can't help but feel that she is breaking up with me.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~* 

I look down on the casket, staring but not seeing the cold body that lies there in state. The silence inside the room is deafening, as is befitting a room set for a wake.

The small hairs on my arms are standing and goosebumps have formed on my skin. I have never been one to go to wakes or burials. They creep me out. This one, though, is an exception. Because this time it is for someone who is very close to me.

I did not want to go but after everything that has happened, after Tune and Leena, I somehow found my feet wandering in this direction.

I still do not want to do this. Partly because these emotions inside of me are still so confusing and I am still hating Ernest for causing them. And partly because inside of me there is still a part that cannot believe that this is true, that Ernest isn't really dead…

I stand very still beside the man-sized steel casket with my head bowed. I must seem like an automaton for the almost mechanical movement I am making. My hands. They are the only part of my body that moves, sliding up and down the smooth surface of the transparent glass in disbelief. It is suppose to be a comforting motion but the unyielding glass does not make it so. It is cold.

_/Like the body that lies beneath it./_

The thought comes into my head unbidden.

_/Because he is dead./___

_/How can he be dead? He shouldn't be dead. He should be here by my side, talking with me, laughing with me./___

The thoughts that go over and over in my mind are jumbled, confused…and above all, disbelieving.

I do not want to believe this…I don't want to believe this at all. My eyes refuse to really look at him because to look would confirm a fact that I do not want to hear or see.

_/You have to, Gareas. Look one last time. You owe him that much./_

Nothing can dispute that truth. I do owe him that much.

My head jerks back as I force myself to lean over the side and truly look at the person inside the casket.

It isn't as bad as I thought it would be although I flinch at first as I see him lying there in the bed of flowers the officials have given him. A fragrant final resting place for someone who cannot even smell them.

There is a calm expression on his face. He looks like he is sleeping with his golden hair in ruffled disarray, a small smile on his face. His hands, those slender hands that controlled Luhma Klein, lie crossed on his breast, over his heart.

I had always thought that that particular pose looked idiotic but on Ernest it looked right somehow. Right for someone whose heart cared for so many people to cross his arms in this gesture of finality, to signify the end of it all.

Looking at him like this, so like the times I have looked at his sleeping face when I hovered over his bed in the Ingrid pilots' room, I half expect him to open his eyes and look at me with those luminous blue eyes. Those eyes that seem to pierce my very soul with the understanding and thoughtfulness it radiated.

But he doesn't. He lies there, unmoving. Because he is dead. Really dead.

A numb feeling invades my body and I welcome it.

The body inside the casket will never move again. It won't walk the halls gracefully or call out in a soft voice, never brush through my mind with those caring thoughts.

_/No!/_

I cannot believe this. I cannot believe this at all. How can I go on without him. Ernest had been with me for all my unstable years in GOA, he was my emotional support, my best friend. He is always by my side, hovering over me.

_/You aren't dead. You aren't dead. YOU AREN'T DEAD!/_

"You aren't dead, are you Ernest?" I say, leaning my head against the cool glass of the casket as I stare at his face with fierce intensity, willing him to move, to open his eyes. "Tune was wrong wasn't she? You aren't dead yet. Come on, Ernest. Prove them wrong."

But he does none of those things.

He is really dead.

My insides start the horrendous dance again as something tries to claw out of my body. Suddenly I cannot breath. My throat is constricting and my stomach clenches, even my eyes are not spared. As the ship's machine-generated air rushes into them, they sting and moisture comes out.

The room is smothering me. I cannot breath. I need air.

A part of mind is telling me that it is all his fault. His fault that this is happening to me.

_/I hate you, Ernest./_

And without a backward glance, I run out of the room, almost running into Tune who is coming in to see him again.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~* 

It is time.

It is time to jettison Ernest into the vast darkness of space to float endlessly among the stars. The casket is nothing to talk about, all silver metal, smooth and plain. It is going to be dwarfed by the dozens of shining stars out in the galaxy.

So like Ernest. He has always been one to stay in the sidelines, preferring to support rather than be in the spotlight.

Wrong, this is so wrong. Ernest shouldn't be dead at all. I clench my hands in helplessness as I stand beside the other pilots. I did not want to be here but it had been a requirement. Ernest had been a pilot and deserved al the pomp and ceremony.

Teela is on the far left, Rioroute beside her and Yu closest to me. On my right, where Ernest used to be, stands a new pilot, one that does not resemble Ernest physically but whose aura almost makes me feel like it *is* Ernest standing next to me.

Erts Virny Cocteau, Ernest's younger brother…he has Ernest's blond hair and blue eyes but what reminds me of Ernest most of all is the gentle expression on his face. It hurts to see him take his brother's place.

His presence gives me a feeling of guilt too. Because he should know above all others just why his brother died, or who caused it.

I can feel him shift in his place. Does he hear my thoughts?

I remember that Erts' EX is the same as Ernest's. I should learn to shield my thoughts.

"The memory of Ernest Cuore will live forever in our hearts…"

The finality makes me want to cry out. My throat starts to constrict again and I cannot take it anymore. I do not want to see them jettison the casket into space.   
So I run with all my might, unmindful of the stares everyone gives me.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~* 

"Eeva Leena, he is gone now." I whisper eventhough I know she will not respond. After that candidate got into her she has been acting moodily ever since.

But that is not what is weighing on my mind right now. Ernest is gone and that is all that matters.

After running away from Ernest's final send-off I immediately climbed into Eeva Leena and went off into space, finding this spot a little away from base to sort out what I am feeling.

So here I am with my confused thoughts, no closer to resolving my fucked up inner self.

_::Gareas.::_

I startle. The mind-voice is familiar. It is the same warm glow that has always been in the back of my head after that fateful night so long ago when I had been a candidate.

It is Ernest.

_/Ernest? Ernest?/_ I thought out in happy relief. _/You are alive ne?/_ The clawing feeling at my insides and the hollow ache vanishes at the sound of that thought-voice.

_::Iie. I am sorry Garu but I am not. This is only a residue of my essence that I have asked the Ingrids to keep until such a time that you need me again.::_

My spirits sink and the bone-deep ache resumes as does the clawing inside my belly. _/I hate you Ernest./_

_::Aa, Gareas, I understand.::_

_/DON'T presume to understand anything. Don't presume to understand me. You don't understand anything./___

_::Then tell me what you are feeling so I can understand.::___

_/I hate you for dying, for leaving me alone and making me feel these things that I haven't felt before./___

_::What feelings?::___

_/This painful clawing that never seems to stop and this bone-deep ache inside myself. This is not something I have felt before and it only started when you did that reckless suicidal thing./___

_::A…aa, well what can I do to make it better then?::_

Tears gather at my eyes. What *do* I want him to do? What would make me feel better?

Only one thing comes to mind. _/Come back, alive and breathing./_

_::I am sorry Garu but that is beyond my power to give.::_

In the logical part of my mind I know that but my confused thoughts do not concur. _/Then leave me./___

I can almost see the mental shake of Ernest's head at my curt words.

_::It would be easier to stop a dying star from going supernova than to tell me to leave when you are so distressed. Talk to me.::___

_/Talk about what? There is nothing to talk about./___

_::Talk about what is bothering you so I can help you.::___

_/Help? IF you cannot come back alive then you cannot help me. Go away./_

_::Gareas.::___

_/I can outwait you, Ernest Cuore. I can outwait you until your essence disperses totally from this universe./___

_::Yes, yes you can. But you won't.::___

_/Won't I?/_ I challenge, my stubbornness coming to the fore again.

_::Gareas, please. I do not have much time left.::_

Silence reigns as I refuse to answer Ernest's thought-voice. I do not want to talk to him. If he cannot give me what I want then I do not have any business with him at all.But what is it that I truly want?

I do not know. I only know that the only thing that will assuage this wracking pain and hollow ache inside my breast is to see Ernest alive and breathing, to feel his warm presence in my mind again.

It is ironic to be so dependent on Ernest when it is always I who bluster on about protecting him. Everyone tells me that I am so protective of him but they understand why. My best friend is too gentle, too soft-spoken. Coupled with his slender form and almost female grace, it isn't hard to imagine that he could be blown over by a mere gust of wind.   
We were inseparable.

I miss him. Only three days and I miss him.

Maybe, maybe that is what I want. Maybe that is the reason why I am having these feelings inside of me.

More than if it had been Rioroute, Teela and the others, and yes, even more than Leena…

Aa, that is why.

_::As I miss you.::_

_/Stop that, you, you thought pirate!/_ I burst out, calling him the name I used to call him when we had been candidates. I hate it when he deliberately reads my thoughts.

A bubble of laughter bursts out in scintillating brilliance inside my mind as Ernest fires back._ /Well, then don't think so clearly Gareas!/_

I laugh back, the ache disappearing as my thoughts fly back to the many times we had this conversation. Ernest always has this predilection to read other people's minds and replying in kind. Telepathy didn't help Ernest's reputation any, in fact, its what made the others shy away from him. That's why I always admonish him to speak rather than think back.

_::Now that is more like you, Gareas.::___

_/Aa, you always know how to cheer me up./___

_::Unfortunately, I can't help it.:: _Ernest's mind-thought is a bit dramatic._ ::After all the torturous years of being your best friend I know all the muck there is to know about Gareas Elidd, much to my eternal shame.::_

_/Ernest no Ba-ka!/_ I grin. Ernest could push all the buttons he likes but I know him well enough to know he was only kidding and he does it only to amuse me.

He is succeeding. Saa, I miss these times, his smiles, the banter and the warm presence in my mind. I have grown used to it so much.

Sou ka. Now I know why I feel this way. I want Ernest to stay by my side for as long as I could have him. He is my tower of strength.

_::But you are strong, Gareas, you can go it on your own. Remember who was the top candidate?::___

_/Idiot. That's not the kind of strength I was talking about and you know it./___

_::Aa, but still, your strength is enough so that even there you can do it alone. As long as you believe…::_

My eyes widen slightly. I can't believe Ernest went for the hokey drama. _::Oh shut up Gareas I was about to say as long as you believe and stop running on the suicidal shit you seem to be on. If you do I will personally kill you when you die.::_

I laugh again. Now that was the Ernest I knew.

_::You aren't painting a very good picture of me, Gareas. If I had a physical body, I'd whack you right now.::_

_/Well sue me. After that particular scene, my picture of you will forever be tarnished and you can't do anything about it./_ I say bitterly, his words making me remember why we are in this predicament in the first place.

_/What made you do it, Ernest? What made you sacrifice your life? It should have been me. And don't give me that fucking spontaneous shit either because I won't buy it./_

Ernest, when he replies, replies in a quiet tone of voice. _::Aa, Gareas, some of our actions need not be explained at all.::_

_/You owe me an explanation, Ernest. As your best friend, you owe me this much./_ My thought is a bit tense, my throat tight at the concept that he would hide his intentions from me. Me, his best friend.

_::If I tell you,::_ He says in a somber tone, _::do you promise to go into battle carefully from now on? Will you promise that you will not gamble with your life so carelessly? They need you to protect Zion, Gareas.::_

It is just like Ernest to think of others before himself. And I cannot help the warm feeling that lodges itself in my heart at the knowledge that he still cares.

_/Daijobu, Ernest. At the moment, it is the farthest thing from my mind./_

It is an easy promise to keep. After seeing Ernest die, the odd destructive feeling in me had been shaken out of my system.

_::Promise!::_ He said insistently.

_/Alright, alright. I promise./___

_::Sugoi.::_ The thought, breathed in total relief, takes me aback a pace or two.

_/Now tell me./___

_::Les coeur, c'est tout.::___

_/And what does that mean?/_ I demand from Ernest a little irritation in my voice. Ernest has this weird way of saying things in obscure languages that I cannot fathom.

_::I'll tell you what it means but first let's take Eeva Leena for a spin ne? I miss Luhma Klein.::_

I sigh. _/You're hopeless Ernest but I'll hold you to that promise./_ I rev up Eeva Leena again and blast off into space, hurtling across the darkness, swerving to avoid small asteroids and the like, executing impossible turns that I know Ernest loved.

I know this maybe the last time I would ever "feel" his presence with me again and I want the moment to last. For some unthinkable reason, I want to say something, something unnamed but is residing at the back of my head. And I am afraid of letting it out.

_::I love this. It is like dancing. One last dance...::_

Ernest's cry distracts me from my musings as I remember the first time Ernest said the very same thing…

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

"It's like dancing." Ernest laughingly cries out.

And I stare in stupefied surprise. It is a good thing that the comm link isn't up or he would probably have laughed at the stupid expression on my face, even more than he is already.

I cannot help it. It is the first time I have ever heard such unbridled joy in his voice, the first time he ever let go of his emotions.

It sounds like the tinkle I hear in weddings…the sound made by steel spoons and forks gently making contact with those long-stemmed glasses…an insistent plea for the newly wed couple to kiss. That is what his laughter sounds like.

I find that I quite like it.

I open the comm link and just watch as Ernest's image comes up. The laughter is still very evident, as is the shining brilliance in those eyes of his, those clear, shining blue eyes that seem so open and yet cover so many secrets.

Even I can't hold back my excitement as I watch his animated face. This is space after all and the first time we are allowed to take the ProIngs out for real.

"Hai hai!" I say enthusiastically. "Its beautiful out here isn't it? But you do realize," I say, a teasing tone entering my voice, "that this is just the same thing we do on the simulator? And I recall a certain someone say how boring it was."

"But this is so different. This is REAL. Real space, real stars, real everything."

Laughter again.

His face changes from that of the reserved quiet "Ice King" everyone has tagged him with to this warm, approachable human being. Amazing how a few minutes out in real space can make him throw away his inhibitions as opposed to the hours I spent doing undignified things just to get him to smile.

I can just cringe at the things I have done…the juggling, the dress-up, oh gods! "I should just have brought you out here ages ago." I mutter, almost to myself.

He stops staring animatedly at the sights around him and looks straight at me with a smile. "Aa, well I wasn't the one who wanted you to do those things ne?"

I stare pointedly at him. And he laughs. He read my mind again. I hate it when he does that.

"Then stop thinking so loudly, Gareas." Ernest says playfully.

I wonder just how long he has been at it.

" Oh not long. Just at the point where you started to recall all those embarrassingly goofy things you've done."

"Aaaargh! Stop reading my mind, you you…thought pirate! I told you time and time again to talk normally!"

He bursts out in renewed laughter. And I scowl even deeper. Ordinarily I love making him laugh, he doesn't laugh often after all, but laughing at my expense isn't something I would find funny.

"I can't help it, you think funny."

"Stop it." I tell him not a little bit annoyed.

"Saa, alright. You're such a spoilsport today Gareas." And with that, Ernest takes off in the ProIng, reving up the boosters to take him further away into space. At the same time, he closes the comm link.

Me? A spoilsport? I sputter indignantly. Mr. Stick-shoved-up-his-ass Ice King just called me a spoilsport. Ernest actually called me a spoilsport.

I am outraged. He's always the one who puts a damper on things, the one who always looks so withdrawn and aloof. That's why the other Candidates tagged him with the nickname "Ice King". And *I* am a spoilsport?

"Oh a spoilsport am I?" I growl. "We'll just see about that."

"You'll have to catch me first!"

I rev up the ProIng and take off after him in a burst of sound and speed, catching up to his ProIng with an effort. As I draw alongside him, his ProIng twists aside out of my reach and I can almost hear the teasing laughter from the ProIng.

Almost against my will, a smile comes up to my lips. I can never stay angry for long. I might be quick to rile but quicker still to be pacified. And this is Ernest we are talking about. The person I have designated as best friend since the time he helped me overcome my loneliness.

Ernest's ProIng weaves among the others and I follow behind, twisting and turning every which way to catch my errant friend. Over, under and sideways I manipulate the ProIng, sometimes coming in so close to Ernest that I can almost reach out and catch his ProIng, almost. Then he would pull away again and the chase would begin anew.

The blood rushes into my veins as I give chase. It is something primal, something so very close to my most innermost instincts, this game of cat and mouse. It occupies me so much that I barely see that we have left the protection of our class and have instead, gone out where there is nothing else but the space and stars.

This is where I finally catch him. In a shrewd calculating move that I hide from his thoughts, I close the boosters from my craft and fall back, not moving at all. I know Ernest so well that I am 100% sure of what he will do.

Ernest, for all the bluster of being the aloof individual that he is, cares too much. He cares too much about other people. It isn't very evident to a mere acquaintance, had not even been clear to me at first. But when I heard Ernest's voice inside my head when the instructors isolated me I started to understand piece by piece just who Ernest Cuore was.

And that understanding is helping me predict his moves now.

1…

2…

3…

He turns back as soon as he realizes I have not given chase, waiting for awhile for the lights on my ProIng to go back on.

Bingo!

I do not mind him at all, concentrating my energy on blocking my thoughts from him because I know that that would be the first thing he tries. And I am right as I feel a slight tendril of questing thought brush against my consciousness.

I must have been very good at blocking because after that, Ernest's ProIng starts to move towards me. That is when I pounce, flicking open my ProIng's system and making a dive at his.

"Spoilsport am I?" I whack his ProIng soundly on the head smugly as I open my commlink.

"Yare yare." Laughing sapphire eyes greet me beneath the fall of golden bangs. Then his eyes turn pensive. "See, it was just like dancing."

"Hn." I say noncommittally.

"Well it is." He protests. "I mean look at the graceful twists and turns, the weaving around. Doesn't it resemble a dance?"

"If you say so." I shrug.

A wrong move on my part I must say because Ernest's face changes drastically. The shuttered expression all the Candidates knew so well coming down once again.

"Boor."

"Hey, I am what I am. I'm not you Ernest."

"More's the pity."

It is the only word he says before he turns back towards the others.

And I laugh at that comment.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~* 

After having gone a bit away from base, I stop Eeva Leena and lean back with satisfaction. All throughout the ride I had refrained from talking at all. We both preferred to appreciate the silence of complicated flying.

Now that we are just floating however, it is another matter altogether and I open my thoughts once again.

_/Speaking of dancing, Ernest, remember the time you called me a boor?/_ I tell him, ready to tease him.

Silence meets my comment. _/Oi, You won't get away from remembering that by staying silent you know./_ I tell him, laughter evident in my voice.

Still, silence greets me. _/Ernest?/_ I feel around my head and find that the warm presence I have always associated with Ernest…

…is gone.

No! We aren't through talking yet. Ernest hasn't even told me what he meant. I haven't told him how important he is to me either or that I...that I…I dash away the tears and violently open up Eeva Leena's engine, flying up into space again with blinding intensity, weaving through the warp and weft of the asteroid belt like thread on the loom. And eventhough I may seem like a careening madman, I am not. I take care not to endanger myself…because I promised Ernest I wouldn't be…

_/Ernest.../___

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~* 

In the cockpit of Reneighd-Klein, the newest addition to the Ingrid pilots falls back with a lack of grace in apparent exhaustion.

_::It is done. He is as stable as he ever will be.::___

_/Thank you, little brother…/___

_::Aniki…just then…you do realize that he…::___

_/Aa, Erts. I did./_ The thought is shining and content as it reverberated through Erts' head.

_::And that makes it all worth it?::___

_/I would do everything all over again for this one moment./___

_::I do not understand.::___

_/Someday, little brother, you will. Until then, fare you well./_

Erts stared unseeing inside the cockpit for a time, rocking himself in comfort, tears leaking out as the essence of Ernest Cuore, his brother, faded from his mind.

Alone, he could feel the coldness deep in his bones. Bone deep weariness replacing the warmth of a caring brother who had always been with him all through his life.

"Les coeur, c'est tout." Erts whispered, tasting the words in his mouth as they fell from his lips. _/The heart is all./_

It tasted foreign yet strangely familiar to Erts as he sought to hold back the pain that threatened to overcome his being.

_/Can love really be the worth all the pain and the death that it brought?/_

~OWARI~   
Okie dokie I don't know if I slaughtered the French language or not. I just loved that phrase ^^

I just dug up some of the facts of their past and improvised. I hope it turned out alright though.

Continued in a 3rd installment in the Juxtaposition Arc ^-^v I'm putting in Erts which is just so obvious. *lol*   
  
  
  
  
  
  



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